Commentary: HI, OO, Duo Final Rounds

WICHITA, Kan. - Some stream-of-consciousness-style thoughts on the final rounds of Western Kentucky University Humorous Interpretation, Patrick Henry Memorial Auxiliary Original Oratory, and Schwan Duo Interpretation is available right here, courtesy of the 2006 National Champion in Lincoln-Douglas Debate, Douglas Jeffers. Dario Camara — incoming director of forensics at Royal Palm Beach High School and outgoing debate coach at Ridge High School — will report from A.C. Eley Memorial United States Extemporaneous Speaking tomorrow morning.

Douglas would like to thank one Shannon Kintner of Elkins High School in Missouri City, Texas for helping him take down the results.

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I’m here in the convention center in fair Wichita, and the anticipation is palpable as the crowd waits for the humorous interpreters to take the stage. Mr. Sheaf has just instructed us to silence our cell phones and pagers.

…And wait, on the screen now is the “Forensic Quiz” asking various trivia about nationals and the NFL. Unfortunately Jon Cruz is not here, or I could listen to him scream the answers to this and other trivia.

A sentimental slide show had just begun a moment ago, but the “Forensic Quiz” has broken in and put a stop to that.

Did you know that Ohio is the state that has hosted the most National Tournaments?

Mr. Sheaf and his exquisite voice is now commanding the silencing of cell phones again, and announcing the beginning

Western Kentucky University Humorous Interpretation

You’ll all have to forgive the inevitable misspellings and mishearings of names and schools. I missed a fair number of names, and I’m sure I Butchered several more.

Of 635 contestants six remain.

From Mannzano HS, Nathan Rareck,

From, Morristown West HS, Nicole D. Dalton,

From Poland Seminary HS, Rachel Van Nam,

From Park Tudor HS, Luke Robins,

From James Logan HS, Cameron Steele,

From Great Bend HS, Joshua Hafner,

Our fist speaker, from Mannzano HS, Nathan Rareck, presents an interpretation of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

This piece wandered through the entire plot of the first book in the Harry Potter series. The performance features a very large number of characters, and frequent character switches. Parts of the piece were sung to the tune of “The Phantom of the Opera” and there was even a brief dance routine.

Our second speaker, from Morristown West HS, Nicole D. Dalton, presents an interpretation of, “The Spelling Bee.”

This piece features several bizarre children, including one who apparently dabbles in the occult, and one very stupid child, managed to spell proboscis N O S E. Things eventually devolved into a fight over the trophy.

Our third speaker, from Poland Seminary HS, Rachel Van Nam, from presents an interpretation of, “911.”

The piece contains several bizarre 911 calls, including one from a woman who had just arrived at her hotel with three other friends. When asked about her emergency, she reported that there were only enough towels for two. A few people called in the middle of committing crimes.

Our fourth speaker, from Park Tudor HS, Luke Robins, presents an interpretation of, “Removing the Glove.”

This piece features a world in which left handed people face horrible discrimination. One angry father gets fed up all the sick depraved lefties in the world. His son has a very difficult (and humorous) time “coming out” to his family about his left handedness.

Our fifth speaker, from James Logan HS, Cameron Steele, presents an interpretation of, “Mathematics of Change.”

This piece is about a math crazed little boy, inspired by his father. After recounting some childhood experiences, the piece moves on to various experiences at Princeton University, including a job giving cancer to mice. The story ended with a heart warming moral about not getting too stressed out.

Our last speaker, from Great Bend HS, Joshua Hafner, presents an interpretation of, “Bobby Wilson Can Eat His Own Face.”

This piece is about a goofy high school kid, for whom the piece is named, who has a sister who is quite literally possessed by Satan. Driven out of his house by his demonic sister, he joins a freak show, for his own talent of eating his face. What a tragic tale.

Semifinalist results:

16 North HS David Colton

15 Reno HS Max Olderman

14 Carroll HS Andrew Wrighter

13 ? HS Jordan A. Giolloni

12 Danville HS Chelsea Wood

11 Fairmont HS Miles Duffy

10 Scott’s Bluff HS Logan R. Vat

9 Wheaton North HS Alex DeCamp

8 Leeland HS Crystal Adams

7 Redlands HS Rachel McCoy

Patrick Henry Memorial Original Oratory

Of 224 contestants, 6 remain.

Our first speaker’s oratory is entitled, “Tolerance, the Whole Freakin Truth”

The speech began with criticizing the fact that tolerance is an issue that is buried in the United States.

The first question is the definition of tolerance. The speaker argues that tolerance is often talked about but little understood. Little more is agreed upon than that tolerance is good.

The second point is about misapplied tolerance. The speaker argues that the concept of “zero tolerance” is too strict, whereas “absolute tolerance,” or “anything goes” is too lax.

The speaker then turns to ways to move forward. She argues for respect of others, and the toleration of those of different race or religion. She asks if you can tolerate the fact that some people can’t read, or that five thousand people die daily from AIDS.

Our second speaker’s (Carrey VanDusen) oratory is entitled, “Once Upon a Time”

The speaker begins with a garbled fairy tale mixing elements of Goldilocks, Cinderella, etc. She then moves on to criticize the speed at which our lives move.

The speaker cited the high pace of American lives, from a variety of statistics and examples, including several disturbing examples of programs that, for instance, purport to teach a child French by three.

In the second point, the speaker argues that the speed of life threatens inter-personal relationships. She argues that families ought to take time to talk to one another over meals.

The speaker then offered advice as to a way forward. She urges us to first perceive our speed, second, to alter our pacing between slow periods and periods of heavy activity, and finally, to prioritize our relationships with other people.

Our third speaker’s oratory is entitled “Make Real”

The speech began with a story about the speaker’s imaginary friend. He then argued that our superficial idea of friendship makes American friendship’s imaginary.

The speaker locates the blame for this in two sources. He argues that technology creates an illusion of friendship. One can have a great number of internet contacts that are in fact imaginary. Online, when there is plenty of time to think out every sentence, we talk to please and not for real. He argues that the second source of trouble is that we think of friendship in terms of quantity instead of quality. We know many, but we trust few.

The speaker next turns to the question of how to attain real friendship. His first piece of advice is to spend more time with real people face to face, and less on the computer. He also advises that we be willing to take the risk of opening ourselves up to others in order to really be able to share our lives with another.

Our fourth speaker’s (John Patrick Allen) oratory is entitled, “Boy of Destiny.”

The speaker begins with a story from Calvin and Hobbes, illustrating the need we all have to feel special.

The speaker begins by identifying cell phone addiction as a symptom of our problem. He says we are full of self-importance. We feel like we need to always be doing something, because we think our work is so utterly important.

The speaker then begins to examine the cause of the problem. He criticizes the mentality that puts so much importance on self-esteem. He argues that the fact that internet sites that allow us to share details of our everyday lives are symptomatic of the fact that we think everything we do is incredibly important.

The speaker then argues that we should stop broadcasting ourselves to the world, and become interested in people other than ourselves.

Our fifth speaker’s (Joshua Whisker) oratory is entitled, “Questions”

The speaker begins by citing several examples of various media sources misreporting the news. He then questions why we always believe what they say.

The speaker then begins by outlining those things which need our skepticism. He identifies the media, authority figures, and everyday rumors as things that we need to be critical of.

The speaker then questions why we aren’t more skeptical. He identifies close mindedness and wishful thinking.

As a solution, the speaker argues that we not commit logical fallacies in our thinking, and verifying the things we hear.

Our sixth speaker’s oratory is entitled, “Abadim and the Matheletes”

The speaker begins with a story of how he and an eighth grade friend founded a math team, but how he was kicked off due to a misplaced decimal. He then criticizes our willingness to throw things away.

He first turns to the question of the “disposable culture” in politics. He argues that politicians use issues as tools to win elections. He notes how President Bush talked a lot about social security reform, but then did nothing about it.

The next turns to the question of how this culture operates in economics. He criticizes the mentality in companies that treats employees, even long term ones, as expendable.

The speaker last turns to personal relationships. He tells a story of a boy who had a good relationship with a tree, who gradually neglects to visit her except to take her apples, branches, and finally trunk. The boy does renew his friendship with the tree as an old man however.

The speech ends with a call not to see everything and everyone as disposable recourses.

Semifinalist Results:

14 Thornwood HS Constance Stanley

13 Honalulu (something I missed)HS Forest Nikirk

12 Foothills HS Monique VanGilden

11 Cheserton HS Kristin M. Calita

10 Plano Sr. HS Hahn Nguyen

9 ? Matthew Fitzgerald

8 Turlings Catholic HS Jennifer Duprey

7 Sioux Falls Valley HS

After a brief intermission during which my laptop was recharged and I was awarded my fourth diamond, I return to bring you coverage of Duo Interpretation.

Schwan’s Duo Interpretation

Of 222 (I’m not sure I heard that number precisely right) 6 remain.

Our first team (John Word and Jay Walker Cook) presents an interpretation of, “Animal Farm.”

This piece presented an abbreviated version of the famous novel. It featured a hilarious animal battle scene, and a very good presentation of the various characters (even Napoleon as George Bush). I can’t be sure, but I believe an elephant even made a brief appearance.

Our second team (Ray Lucas and Danielle Cottonham) presents an interpretation of, “White Chocolate.”

This piece (preformed by two black actors) is about a white couple who wakes up one morning to find that they have become black. While the piece was incredibly funny, it ended by making a serious point about how inconsequential something like skin color is to a person’s personality.

Our third team (Jerome Brazil and Karen Joshi) presents an interpretation of, “Mr. Marmalade”

This piece is about a little girl and her imaginary friend, Mr. Marmalade. Mr. Marmalade is apparently very important, and does not have time to spend much time with the little girl. As it turns out, Lucy had a drunk for a father, who left when she was very young. Mr. Marmalade has been drinking too. Lucy eventually sends her imaginary friend/father away exclaiming that she deserves better.

Our fourth team (Katherine A. Anderson and Miss Young) presents an interpretation of, “The Good Body”

This piece is about modern society’s obsession with an ideal of the female body. The most interesting thing was that, although the piece was preformed by two ladies, there was only one character, played by both. Sometimes they spoke the lines at the same time, exactly in sync, it was pretty amazing. They said in the introduction that this was because the character (named Eve) represents all women.

Our fifth team (Stephen Hickman and Brent Fodor) presents an interpretation of, “Dr. Faustus”

Written in 1592, this piece is about the moral conflict within the soul of Dr. Faustus. He conjures an evil spirit, and sells his soul for twenty four years of earthly bliss. He is prevailed upon to repent, and turn to Christ, but the demons whisper that he should despair and think only of Hell. In the end he despairs, and is damned. The intensity with which this piece was preformed was truly amazing and terrifying.

Our sixth, and final team (Adam and Caitlin (whose last names I didn’t catch)), presents an interpretation of, “Wendy’s Tale.”

Wendy is someone who, since childhood, has had great difficulty taking tests. The piece is more or less a criticism of tests, and an exposition of their ridiculousness. Wendy goes through a series of ridiculous test prep methods, but to no avail. She works herself into several testing frenzies. The theme seemed to revolve around a statement by Einstein that imagination is more important than knowledge.

Semifinalist results:

14 ? Michael Cruz and Houston Perez

13 Duncanville HS Catherine Boswell and Josh Tony

12 Garnett HS Joel Benny and Heather (whose last name I missed)

11 Mnsgr. Ferell

10 Roseville Area HS Charlie Douglas and Elena Glass

9 James Logan

8 Eastview HS Josh W. Allen and Laura Peterson

7 San Marino HS Stephen and Raymond Prong

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